Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
