Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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