I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
