My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
