i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
