This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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