I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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