i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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