i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
