that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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