Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
