He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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