I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
