Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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