you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
