I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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