they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize