my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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