I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
