this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
