he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
