I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize