I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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