we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
