I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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