I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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