we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
