Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
