please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
