but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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