i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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