I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That's when you crack a 10am beer
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
