I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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