Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
