dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
