i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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