No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
