Taylor Swift is so right about you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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