When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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