Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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