Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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