its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
