You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm too high and old for this...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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