Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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