I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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