I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
