Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
