I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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