we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Everyone says I win the strip club
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
