College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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