my being single is dangerous.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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