I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My penis needs a shock collar
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
