Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When did angry sex become our thing?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
