I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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