Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
