what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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