...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
