1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
