More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
