The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
