An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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