Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
