i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
