All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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