So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
