I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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