dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
