So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
