I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize