I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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