He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
