Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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