I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
