so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
