I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
