We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize