i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
