The maid of honor just puked.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
