My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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