you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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