Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
