Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
