between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize