how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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