my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize