something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
