Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
