Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am naked and annoyed.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
